Have you ever been in an awkward situation? Where you want to get yourself out of it but you can’t or you want to speak but it is like some wet tissue is stuck in your throat. Gross.
The year is 2015. I was a diploma student at JKUAT pursuing Mass Communication, 1.2; still there and feeling like a Zinjathropus. Anyone that is pursuing or has pursued Mass Communication at JKUAT knows there’s a lot of free time; you can even build a house during that time. The timetable will state that a lesson will take three hours but that is just on paper. A unit like Photography which could be the only lesson of the day, can take thirty minutes and then tell me if you can’t build a flat and have tenants in by evening!
Alas! We did not build houses. All we did was eat, eat and eat stories. The eaters were: Fay, Shay, Ray (not their real names) and I. Another thing, if you are a commuter, one of the very first things you do when you get to campus is to make sure you have a friend who stays near the school. Unless you want to meditate on the, “cheap internet bundles” pasted almost in every hall after lectures are over. Ray was that friend; Shay, Fay and I used to commute.
When classes were over, the four of us could go and eat stories at Ray’s place.
Wednesday was one of those days.
Ray did not leave alone, she had a roommate. Me by the way I’m against ladies living together; and it’s not about two or three ginenes in one house, apana. It’s about petty disagreements, quarreling and giving each other the silent treatment over shhhtupid things! Juzi, a classmate was telling me how her roommate at the first year, came standing tall with a suitcase and a bucket. No food: groceries, cereals or gas. With no further a do, classmate was appointed the CS for Stomach Affairs. Corruption kicked in and that is how classmate stepped aside. She moved out.
When one tells me they have or want a roommate, never have I failed to illustrate my vast thesis of anti-roommate.
So where were we…..Ray and her roommate. We will call her Zippy short for Zipporah. Zippy used to pursue a different course from the four of us. BBIT, if I’m not wrong. Other than that, she had a boyfriend, that I’m right.
*sips hot porridge.
Their house was a bed sitter: a separate room that had two beds on opposite sides, an in-built wardrobe, table and chair facing the window, then the kitchen and bathroom.
At around 2, we are out of class and we are headed to Ray’s. But before getting to Ray’s we pass by Mathe’s take away joint. This mamaa’s food was something else. Kwanza her matumbo na ugali, acha tu! If you’ve never said, “mmh…mmh..mmh..” when eating, cease from eating what you’ve been eating because that is not food. So we get our lunch and within five minutes we are at Ray’s.
The main door is not closed so that means Zippy is in. I open the bedroom door (it’s not really a bedroom, it’s just the way it was a separate room from the kitchen and bathroom. I’d call it a living room cum bedroom) and Zippy is seated on her bed, a towel wrapped around her. She is not alone, seated next to her is bwoyfwend aka Dzadzy; fully clothed, shoes included.
Of course we say hi despite the awkwardness and the four of us proceed to sit at Ray’s bed. We are face to face with the couple. Ray and Zippy are catching up, Shay and Fay are tending to their stomachs, Dzadzy is on his phone and me I’m cramped at the corner digesting what I just walked into.
Why was Zippy in a towel while Dzadzy was fully clothed? Discuss. (20 marks)
There is nothing to discuss. Zippy was about to get into the shower, when we walked in. They were going out with Dzadzy. Simple.
So Zippy hops into the frog’s kingdom and we ngeus are left with Dzadzy. The guy is the quiet and shy type. Small talk here and there then he is back on his phone. In such situations, most likely one is just scrolling through. You’ll look at every app: click on the settings app and look at every folder, go to the gallery and look at your selfies for the 20th time, go to Wozzap and read old texts and even go to the File Manager just to free up space— literally what you wish for in real sense. You then look at the right side of your screen to check the time, one minute gone, you start the cycle again.
Ten minutes and Zippy is back in the room. She walks to the wardrobe and takes out her clothes and other kosokoso. Me am thinking she’ll go and dress up in the bathroom, wapi! Zipporah drops down the towel like it’s hot! I look at bwoyfwend but he’s glued on his phone like nenzenz!
It was awkward. To make it more awkward, Zippy takes out the lotion, squeezes some on her palm, places one leg on the bed and apply, she applies. Here’s the thing, the sudus was facing us while the ginene and tiris were all for Dzadzy’s eyes to see and behold.
What amused me was that Dzadzy was on his phone all this time. I swear he did not look up or less at Zippy. Maybe he did when I could look away after seeing so much female ass. He looked uncomfortable; probably he was going through verses in the Bible, ‘The Lord is my Shepherd, there is nothing I shall want’. Or he was dumbfounded like we were. He had to be. I don’t think it’s exciting seeing your woman naked while other ngeus are present, most likely judging you and thinking why you are not speaking up. Nguruma Dzadzy angalau!
This was a tight spot, I tell you. If one of us dared to ask Zippy to have mercy on our eyes and move to the bathroom or kitchen at least, trust me she would have said, “Ni nini niko nayo chenye hamna? Kwendeni huko!” And Dzadzy? Ddadzy knew better; choose your battles carefully was what was ringing on his mind.
In other news. Yesterday, I was with a friend. She is of the Muslim faith and we were talking about the faith. Part of the conversation was:
Me: How is it that the men worship at one place while the women….
Her: (she cuts me off) No, we are all in one place. It’s just that the men are at the front while the women are at the back.
Me: But why?
Her: (she grins) To avoid the men being distracted.
This amuses me. I did not expect that to be the reason.
Me: Oooooh….hamtaki kukwangwaruliwa!
She did not see that coming, cause laugh, she laughed! I did too!
Eid Mubarak to all Muslims!